This captures it so well. For many ND and HSP individuals, “overreacting” is really just overprocessing.Their brains aren’t filtering things out the way others' might, they're absorbing everything. And then they’re expected to perform like they didn’t just run a marathon inside their heads. Capacity is stretched thin in a world that rarely makes room.
That last line 😍😍 - this is so spot on. Brains moving a mile a minute with no room to pause, reflect, heal. Taught to just keep going / rub some dirt in it. So disruptive to the nervous system 😞🩷
This resonates deeply. As someone who processes slowly but thoroughly, I’ve often felt out of sync with environments that reward speed or surface-level confidence. Over time, I’ve learned that sensitivity isn’t fragility — it’s precision. It lets me notice what others miss, connect seemingly unrelated threads, and stay attuned to shifts that haven’t yet been named.
Thank you for reframing sensitivity not as something to manage, but as something to honor — and even lead from.
Your words are beautiful. Being attuned to our environment really can be such a gift. If I had to guess, you probably have amazing pattern recognition skills, too!
People used to call me too sensitive, but what's the opposite-not caring at all? Beautiful to feel things deeply, and it's just learning to be soft with some of the nuances that come with our gifts.
These words remind of advice from a photography instructor from the distant past: "Work Hard and Stay Soft". Through thick and thin I have wondered at the challenge of living these words but they remain a guiding light.
My husband has Alzheimer’s and I have noticed similarities in challenges he has with all you list. The noise, loud conversation, many situations he doesn’t understand. He needs Nature, his dog and cat, quiet or music of his choosing, at least one nap a day. We have talked about him wearing headphones as noise canceling for going to the gym.
Jamie, thank you for opening up and sharing this. Noise canceling headphones could be great or a low impact workout at home that is body weight. I have been really into pilates lately. Theres something for everyone! Also my husband’s dad has dementia too. So common and so heartbreaking. He is 89 and still so smart though. He was a metallurgist! 🩷 What do you two do together that you love?
Amazing that you are doing the work to understand yourself! :) I am 35 and I always say the older generations did not have the same tools, literature, and accessibility that we do today. I wish this had been discovered as a kid for you, me, and for everyone because it would have saved a lot of heartache. But it is never too late to learn and to heal our inner child. Plus we are better off leaning on each other when we do. Thank you for being here and for sharing! :)
Thanks, all was well-written and validating. I've just discovered another easy practice while outdoors. Believe it or not, grounding to the earth helps. I used to loathe walking on grass, sand, or dirt barefoot; now I relish the experience.
Stephen, thank you so much for your kind words. Barefoot is the way forward outdoors! **googles who invented shoes** (lol)
There is really something about it - I go to the beach once a week and make sure to feel the sand and the water too. Your point is so valid in our backyards, or most places down the street, we have places we can go to feel and heal. :)
This is a very interesting breakdown of what is happening in the body of people who might also be considered Dismissive Avoidant in the psychology and attachment world. It's always helpful to humanize and better understand how people function. Being partnered with people who shut down, won't communicate due to sensitivity, are defensive, and lack the self awareness needed to change, is very challenging. The disregulation due to sensitivity, and lack of introspection (as accountability can hurt sometimes), stunts emotional growth. So being partnered with people who fit this description is extremely challenging.
People love to call neurodivergent folks “emotionally stunted” because we shut down, go quiet, or struggle to communicate mid-dysregulation.
But here’s the thing: I’ve met many defensive, avoidant, emotionally unavailable neurotypicals.
Neurodivergent people are often the most emotionally attuned people in the room.
We notice everything. We feel everything. We internalize everything.
Shutdown isn’t a flaw; it’s a nervous system response to overstimulation and chronic invalidation. You want to talk about growth? Try navigating a world that constantly misreads you and still choosing to heal, self-reflect, and show up.
So no..ND folks aren’t “emotionally stunted.”
We’re just not performing our healing for other people’s comfort.
The loudest critics often have the least self-awareness.
Jen, this is my second post to Substack thanks to you and the special person who shared your writing! The two of you have me eager to dive deeper! So many traits/symptoms hit home for me. I’m ready to have an understanding of my lifetime of pain and suffering and the same for a loved one. At my age I should have been smarter and acted sooner! As you can tell, it is difficult for me to convey my thoughts in writing.
Diane!!! I am so blown away and thankful for you and that people are sharing my writing. Grateful for this feedback❤️❤️. I have a hunch that you write beautifully, and that the world needs to hear your story.
Krystal, thank you for diagnosing my problem I’ve lived with for the last two years and nine months! None of my doctors could pinpoint the exact cause or offer appropriate treatment!! lol
Yes! I got diagnosed with panic disorder and agoraphobia at my late teens, turns out it was dysregulation and constant overload, once I understood how sensitive my NS was and started working on it, it all disappeared
Pffft, I'm already an expert on it lol. Exercise, journaling, nature, sleep hygiene, I thrive on routine too.
Knowing when I need less sensory input, unmasking, red light therapy, Magnesium!!
I built kind of a hammock thing under my stairs that also gives deep pressure on the body, and I love it! My mom also uses it when she needs to relax :)
I love hearing other perspectives. I need to try red light therapy!!! A hammock under the stairs sounds so nice. I have a "zen den" with incense, handles, journal, a picture of myself as a child, essential oils, books, all the things! I also love the beach, weighted blankets, music, and baths are a big one for me. The best sensory comfort for me is holding my baby chicks or petting the doggos! There is something for everyone. <3 Thanks for sharing your strategies. Note to self: take magnesium!
I remember seeing this comment and wanted to ask you about the red light therapy! I have a facial massager that I have used but never got anything professional done. Do you like it? Magnesium is so good!
I relate to all of this LOL. But in particular - before I was diagnosed/identified in my mid-30s, I was confused about why I felt the way I did - like an other a lot of the time socially - and deep in patterns of masking, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and ultimately disappearing myself and my needs. I was so burned out after living my whole life this way, not understanding why I was struggling or why I felt different, and gaining the awareness that I have a differently wired system unlike the majority was such a huge turning point. I'm in a much better place now, more in tune and aligned with my body's needs and my authentic self, able to respond instead of react. Thank you for speaking to this so clearly! 💞
Kira, it sounds like we have so very much in common! Thanks for sharing this. I am so grateful you are putting yourself first, and I know firsthand how difficult it can be. Especially when we are taught to put others' needs before ours, combined with our system's makeup, it is a recipe for burnout. I landed in the hospital myself because my whole body was like "nope." I hope that with people like you and me share our stories and help other people recognize before they get to that point. Learning your bodies signals is literally the best feeling even when the signals are pain, discomfort, fatigue, because it's okay to feel those things. <33
Oh gosh yes, I've ended up in the ER multiple times with physical issues and nothing ever got resolved :/ The med system definitely doesn't understand how things intersect and compound for us! And yes, those signals are worth paying attention to so we avoid worse discomfort later for sure! It's the wisdom of our body trying to speak to us, we just have to work on listening<3
It is especially important to be in, or to create, an environment in which we feel safe. This includes the people we surround ourselves with. People who affirm, rather than deny. Who seek to understand rather than defend. With whom, we don’t feel too “stupid” or “childish” to reveal even the smallest of emotions
Hi all -- I have just dropped my book -- check it out https://open.substack.com/pub/benfordtalentalchemy/p/alchemy-soup-a-memoir-in-ladles-not?r=5637sm&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
This captures it so well. For many ND and HSP individuals, “overreacting” is really just overprocessing.Their brains aren’t filtering things out the way others' might, they're absorbing everything. And then they’re expected to perform like they didn’t just run a marathon inside their heads. Capacity is stretched thin in a world that rarely makes room.
That last line 😍😍 - this is so spot on. Brains moving a mile a minute with no room to pause, reflect, heal. Taught to just keep going / rub some dirt in it. So disruptive to the nervous system 😞🩷
I know it from experience. It takes such a toll.
🩷🩷🩷
This resonates deeply. As someone who processes slowly but thoroughly, I’ve often felt out of sync with environments that reward speed or surface-level confidence. Over time, I’ve learned that sensitivity isn’t fragility — it’s precision. It lets me notice what others miss, connect seemingly unrelated threads, and stay attuned to shifts that haven’t yet been named.
Thank you for reframing sensitivity not as something to manage, but as something to honor — and even lead from.
Your words are beautiful. Being attuned to our environment really can be such a gift. If I had to guess, you probably have amazing pattern recognition skills, too!
People used to call me too sensitive, but what's the opposite-not caring at all? Beautiful to feel things deeply, and it's just learning to be soft with some of the nuances that come with our gifts.
These words remind of advice from a photography instructor from the distant past: "Work Hard and Stay Soft". Through thick and thin I have wondered at the challenge of living these words but they remain a guiding light.
Donna, thank you for sharing! We want to see your photography :)
Thank you. <3 My husband often thought I am over sensitive. 🙄
Just beautifully human <3
Sensitivity isn't fragility, it's precision. Wow. I will carry that for the rest of my life. Thank you
Thank you for being here! I am so glad this resonated. <3
Our trnderness & sensitivity are nuanced superpowers. In this epoch?
Who are we to fight (the alchemy)?
🤍🖤
Whoa! This stretched my mind, thank you.
My cat is the best co-regulator there is. Great post and well written. ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you❤️ and oh my goH the purring! I have read that they are trying to heal us. Need a cat pic— would love to see! 🐈
Yes!!! I have 3 furry overlords and they help me so much.
Furry overlords - I love this!
My husband has Alzheimer’s and I have noticed similarities in challenges he has with all you list. The noise, loud conversation, many situations he doesn’t understand. He needs Nature, his dog and cat, quiet or music of his choosing, at least one nap a day. We have talked about him wearing headphones as noise canceling for going to the gym.
Jamie, thank you for opening up and sharing this. Noise canceling headphones could be great or a low impact workout at home that is body weight. I have been really into pilates lately. Theres something for everyone! Also my husband’s dad has dementia too. So common and so heartbreaking. He is 89 and still so smart though. He was a metallurgist! 🩷 What do you two do together that you love?
All of it resonates with me, I am 69 and just recognizing my divergent apects.
Amazing that you are doing the work to understand yourself! :) I am 35 and I always say the older generations did not have the same tools, literature, and accessibility that we do today. I wish this had been discovered as a kid for you, me, and for everyone because it would have saved a lot of heartache. But it is never too late to learn and to heal our inner child. Plus we are better off leaning on each other when we do. Thank you for being here and for sharing! :)
I’m learning at 78! I am slowly recovering the joyous girl who got trampled by an unbending work world.
Thanks, all was well-written and validating. I've just discovered another easy practice while outdoors. Believe it or not, grounding to the earth helps. I used to loathe walking on grass, sand, or dirt barefoot; now I relish the experience.
Stephen, thank you so much for your kind words. Barefoot is the way forward outdoors! **googles who invented shoes** (lol)
There is really something about it - I go to the beach once a week and make sure to feel the sand and the water too. Your point is so valid in our backyards, or most places down the street, we have places we can go to feel and heal. :)
This is a very interesting breakdown of what is happening in the body of people who might also be considered Dismissive Avoidant in the psychology and attachment world. It's always helpful to humanize and better understand how people function. Being partnered with people who shut down, won't communicate due to sensitivity, are defensive, and lack the self awareness needed to change, is very challenging. The disregulation due to sensitivity, and lack of introspection (as accountability can hurt sometimes), stunts emotional growth. So being partnered with people who fit this description is extremely challenging.
People love to call neurodivergent folks “emotionally stunted” because we shut down, go quiet, or struggle to communicate mid-dysregulation.
But here’s the thing: I’ve met many defensive, avoidant, emotionally unavailable neurotypicals.
Neurodivergent people are often the most emotionally attuned people in the room.
We notice everything. We feel everything. We internalize everything.
Shutdown isn’t a flaw; it’s a nervous system response to overstimulation and chronic invalidation. You want to talk about growth? Try navigating a world that constantly misreads you and still choosing to heal, self-reflect, and show up.
So no..ND folks aren’t “emotionally stunted.”
We’re just not performing our healing for other people’s comfort.
The loudest critics often have the least self-awareness.
I like to say I'm emotionally constipated. Sometimes there's so much backed up that it's hard to get out LOL
I need to steal this term, Krystal! lol
Jen, this is my second post to Substack thanks to you and the special person who shared your writing! The two of you have me eager to dive deeper! So many traits/symptoms hit home for me. I’m ready to have an understanding of my lifetime of pain and suffering and the same for a loved one. At my age I should have been smarter and acted sooner! As you can tell, it is difficult for me to convey my thoughts in writing.
Diane!!! I am so blown away and thankful for you and that people are sharing my writing. Grateful for this feedback❤️❤️. I have a hunch that you write beautifully, and that the world needs to hear your story.
Krystal, thank you for diagnosing my problem I’ve lived with for the last two years and nine months! None of my doctors could pinpoint the exact cause or offer appropriate treatment!! lol
You're very welcome! I recommend my favorite method of care: music.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you
The part about no one asks us if we need anything. I wonder if I have a sign over my head that says, “I’m good”
I bet you do! Someone asked me the other day “you are all smiley but how are you really doing?” And then the words started spilling onto the page.
Yes! I got diagnosed with panic disorder and agoraphobia at my late teens, turns out it was dysregulation and constant overload, once I understood how sensitive my NS was and started working on it, it all disappeared
Thank you for sharing! What are some tips that have worked for you managing your symptoms?
Pffft, I'm already an expert on it lol. Exercise, journaling, nature, sleep hygiene, I thrive on routine too.
Knowing when I need less sensory input, unmasking, red light therapy, Magnesium!!
I built kind of a hammock thing under my stairs that also gives deep pressure on the body, and I love it! My mom also uses it when she needs to relax :)
I love hearing other perspectives. I need to try red light therapy!!! A hammock under the stairs sounds so nice. I have a "zen den" with incense, handles, journal, a picture of myself as a child, essential oils, books, all the things! I also love the beach, weighted blankets, music, and baths are a big one for me. The best sensory comfort for me is holding my baby chicks or petting the doggos! There is something for everyone. <3 Thanks for sharing your strategies. Note to self: take magnesium!
How does red light therapy work for you? I do it too and magnesium and all the other things you do!
I remember seeing this comment and wanted to ask you about the red light therapy! I have a facial massager that I have used but never got anything professional done. Do you like it? Magnesium is so good!
I relate to all of this LOL. But in particular - before I was diagnosed/identified in my mid-30s, I was confused about why I felt the way I did - like an other a lot of the time socially - and deep in patterns of masking, people-pleasing, perfectionism, and ultimately disappearing myself and my needs. I was so burned out after living my whole life this way, not understanding why I was struggling or why I felt different, and gaining the awareness that I have a differently wired system unlike the majority was such a huge turning point. I'm in a much better place now, more in tune and aligned with my body's needs and my authentic self, able to respond instead of react. Thank you for speaking to this so clearly! 💞
Kira, it sounds like we have so very much in common! Thanks for sharing this. I am so grateful you are putting yourself first, and I know firsthand how difficult it can be. Especially when we are taught to put others' needs before ours, combined with our system's makeup, it is a recipe for burnout. I landed in the hospital myself because my whole body was like "nope." I hope that with people like you and me share our stories and help other people recognize before they get to that point. Learning your bodies signals is literally the best feeling even when the signals are pain, discomfort, fatigue, because it's okay to feel those things. <33
Oh gosh yes, I've ended up in the ER multiple times with physical issues and nothing ever got resolved :/ The med system definitely doesn't understand how things intersect and compound for us! And yes, those signals are worth paying attention to so we avoid worse discomfort later for sure! It's the wisdom of our body trying to speak to us, we just have to work on listening<3
Thanks for your vulnerability, as always. <3
😍
I love this! Thanks you for putting it into words!
It means:
- You know your cues
- You respond instead of react
- You learn to trust yourself again
Thank you, Dr. Alex, for your feedback. So well said. :)
Saving this to reread
I sent it to myself and plan to forward to my closest humans! My critters already know and always offer comfort and joy
Thank you for sharing this with others, Minda! (:
(:
I appreciate the clarity and accessibility here— for both HSPs and their friends/family.
Thanks for being here, Julie!
My nervous system is constantly in overdrive. I wonder what it's like to have a normal brain. 😭
It is especially important to be in, or to create, an environment in which we feel safe. This includes the people we surround ourselves with. People who affirm, rather than deny. Who seek to understand rather than defend. With whom, we don’t feel too “stupid” or “childish” to reveal even the smallest of emotions