Why Fight, Flight, and Freeze Aren’t the Whole Story — The Fawn Response, Explained

The Neuroscience Behind People-Pleasing—and How to Unlearn It

Real fawns are supposed to run free. So are you.

I've talked about fawning since I was a little kid.
I just didn’t know that’s what it was called.

When people talk about trauma responses, they usually mention Fight, Flight, or Freeze.
Corporate trainings love to throw those on a slide.
But they often leave out a fourth response, one that lives in the nervous system of so many of us:

Fawn.

Fawning is when you appease, please, or perform to keep the peace, often in situations where speaking up feels unsafe or futile.

And for me? It became a way of life.

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How Fawning Starts

From a very young age, I found myself in situations where fawning was the best—sometimes the only—way to stay safe or connected.

Because I was often seen as "intellectually advanced" and having adult conversations, I learned quickly to read the room and adapt.

That looked like:

• Doating on others’ skills even when I had the same skills (or more)

• Validating opinions I didn’t agree with, just to keep the peace

• Becoming the "go-to" for everyone, overextending myself constantly

• Letting people speak to me in ways that deserved a response — and giving none

• Smiling when I wanted to scream

I used to fawn over “positions of authority” because if you buck the status quo, you will be labeled “disrespectful.”
I fawned at home, at work, where corporate life often felt like a theatre stage, with everyone performing and stroking egos to climb to the next level.
I fawned over friendships and relationships, dumbing myself down so others would feel comfortable.

I can still remember sitting there while a friend in a past circle laughed about my advanced vocabulary.
"You’re way smarter, you have advanced vocabulary. You use big words."
And instead of standing in my truth, I shrank.
"Oh nooo, not really," I replied—fawning, full force.

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Why It Happens — The Science of Fawning

Fawning is not a personality flaw.
It’s a learned survival strategy, one deeply wired into your nervous system.

When we face situations where Fight, Flight, or Freeze aren’t safe or effective, often due to power imbalances or relational dynamics, we learn to fawn instead.

It’s the nervous system’s way of saying: If I can’t run, fight, or disappear… maybe I can appease.

Polyvagal theory (Porges, 2011) helps explain this: fawning is a type of adaptive social engagement and a way to maintain proximity and connection with those who hold power over us.

And honestly, most corporate environments, family systems, and hierarchical cultures are swimming in fawn energy.

Most corporate mental health or neurodiversity trainings skip over fawning entirely in my experience, which is wild, because it’s probably the dominant coping pattern in many professional settings.